It's October? Already?

I feel so very behind this year. I am usually so on top of things for Halloween. I have ideas about the house, ideas about my costume (all I really do is answer the door for the 25 kids that live in the neighborhood), ideas for the dog's costumes, the kid's costumes are made and ready to go and this year, nothing. nada. nyet.
The kid's have store-bought costumes (gasp!!). My house is decorated by one cow-bell lawn stake. I don't even have pumpkins to carve yet, and I imagine I will be wearing what I did last year if I bother to dress up at all.
I have to say, for someone who LOVES Halloween, this is very out of character. I just feel slow and lazy this year, and overwhelmed by things. I'm afraid the old depression is kicking up again.
I keep thinking about all the things I have to do and how they are all pilling up and I am letting things slide all over the place. Missing deadlines, just not doing stuff, not really caring that much when I do disappoint.
For anyone who has faced depression and come out the other side there is nothing scarier than facing it all again. Especially for someone like me who has successfully been off drugs for years. Someone who doesn't even have a doctor in this state. Someone who has a habit of hiding when they are sick so as not to disappoint people who love her. It is a difficult and precarious situation to be in.

Randomness

48 Things You Could Care Less About

1. FIRST NAME? Melinda

2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Nope. My mom just thought it was pretty. As far as I know...

3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? I cry all the time. Yesterday a newsletter came home from preschool with the kids. It was about a little girl who went to school with them last year. Her 2 1/2 year old sister has stage 4 cancer. Anyone who didn't cry should be checked out to see if they are human.

4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Yeah. I really do. My mom the teacher says I make my letters funny, but my writing has evolved over many years of trying new things and keeping what I liked

5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCHMEAT? I don't really like sandwiches, but if I have to it would always be first, turkey or then, ham.

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? I would think I was pretty cool, but that I don't keep in touch that well.

7. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? I have tried more than once... I just don't keep up with it.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yup.

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Given the right circumstances

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? I love Lucky Charms, but every morning I eat some flakey thing with clusters.

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? No - I just kick them off and have to untie them to put them back on.

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? I always wanted to be a really tough girl, but mostly I just act tough. I believe there is a lot of learned inner strength however.

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? I just like ice cream. Pretty much any flavor, but I love it when there are things inside. I guess my very favorite would be double chocolate malted crunch. Can't get it in NC, but I grew up with it in Cali at the Thrifty's stores.

14. SHOE SIZE? Anywhere between 61/2 and 8 depending on shoe. Mostly a 7 though

5. RED OR PINK? I like bolder colors. I would have to choose red

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? I look to other people to make judgements about myself much to often

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? I have two best friends I rarely ever talk to. Both were the most important people to me at one point in my life, and I wish I was better at long distance communication so I could better keep up with them.

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? These are popping up all over the place. Every blog I read has one up.

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS, SHIRT AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Blue jeans, green shirt, white socks, no shoes, tye dyed hands from kool-aid dying the roving I am sending for the roving spinning swap.

20. LAST THING YOU ATE? Just finished some Mellow Mushroom Kosmic Karma pizza leftover from last night. Yum. Happy belly.

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The nascar race on the TV in the other room.

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? I would be forest green.

23. FAVORITE SMELL? I love the smell of cinnamon, but there are lots of smells which have great associations to me.

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Probobly my boyfriend, but I live with him so it doesn't count. THe last important person I talked to was my Mom. We talked for a couple hours which was nice as it doesn't happen that often.

25. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? Probobly hair. It's been a while since I've really looked. I can't be with a guy if he can't make me laugh.

26. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON you stole THIS from? Yeah. I don't actually know here, but I read her blog January one all the time. It's the top of my bookmark blogs.

27. FAVORITE DRINK? I love hot cocoa and Wassail punch

28. FAVORITE SPORT? I love watching football. RIght now the Steelers/Falcons game is on. Oops just flipped to the Panthers /Bengals.

29. EYE COLOR? THey change colors with what I am wearing. Yoday they are very green. (See #19). They also get very blue. Mostly they are just greyish.

30. HAT SIZE? Small. I have a pretty small head.

31. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Nope. Used to wear glasses but they got smashed while wrestling with the puppies. Now I jsut don't wear anything. My eyesight is pretty good.

32. FAVORITE FOOD? Anything sweet.

33. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Both. I like getting freaked out, but it just seems so right when all the ends tie up into a nice happy package. As long as there is an actually ending I leave satisfied.

35. SUMMER OR WINTER? Fall, but I would take a NC winter over a NC summer anyday. Growing up in Southern California means I didn't really have any seasons, so I really enjoy the changes every few months.

36. HUGS OR KISSES? Hugs

37. FAVORITE DESSERT? Either some kind of creamy chocolate thing or Creme Brulee flavored or vanilla.

38. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?

39. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?

40. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? Spinning in the old way and whatever I picked up at the library. I don't have a lot of browsing time because I go with the kids.

41. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE Pad? I use a laptop.

42. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV? Went to a movie last night. Saw the cute Leonardo DiCaprio and Matt Damon with lovely boston/irish accents in The Departed.

43. FAVORITE SOUNDS? I love windchimes. Not the high pitched ones, the long deep mournful ones.

44. ROLLING STONE OR BEATLES? Um. I'm a little young for either of these. I do actually have a beatles CD though, so...

45. THE FURTHEST YOU'VE BEEN FROM HOME? Paris France, but every day I'm about 3,000 miles from home.

46. WHAT'S YOUR SPECIAL TALENT? hm. I'll have to think about this one. I don't really have any parlor tricks.

47. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?In Panarama City, California.

48. WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Stole it from January. (See #26).

The LIST

The more I think about the list the scarier it seems. How many days until Thanksgiving?
Let's start with October. It's always a busy month with 2 kids and 2 dogs needing costumes every year, not to mention throwing something together for myself (all for the joy of dressing up as we will maybe, if we are lucky, get 25 kids at our house).So....

1) Costume for Sarah. She's 2 and going to be a princess. This one will be very fun, and probably not pink at all. Due date: 10/29 for school party

2) Costume for Aaron. Probably a prince. He's told me he wants to be a prince so he and Sarah can get married. Hm. They are siblings, but technically they would be royalty and marrying within the family not so strange with royals. Due date: 10/29

3) Dooblebop costume for Morgan. This one is a favor for the kid's Nana. It should be easy, and is almost halfway done already. Due date: 10/20

4) Butterfly quilt. Also for Nana. This one is in process, and the most frustrating so far. It for some reason was harder to picture than others I've made, and therefore I procrastinated. A lot. Due date: Next Monday

5)Socktober!!! I have only once ever made a sock. It was about 2 weeks ago, and I am really hoping to get at least the mate done this month, and I have declared this year x-mas of the socks. Everyone I know should expect socks. If I have time that is... so don't spread the word yet. Due date: October I guess, and then 12/20 or so. As long as they are done before I get off the plane I am good.

6)At least one hot dog costume for a dog. Mr Grumpy, the live-in boyfriend saw the pattern and asked for one for his boss. Also, our friend has a little yippy dog and I have threatened to dress it up this year.

7) Spinning roving swap package. I owe a cool spinning beginner set to my swap partner. Neither of us know anything about spinning. This scares me. More on this soon because I have plans for it...

I guess that's enough to start with. Expect LIST: part deux in the near future. I will also try to put up some pics of my projects, knitting and sewing.

Deficiencies

Everyone has things they aren't good at.
I have decided that I am not good at blogging. Not so much the writing part, although that remains to be seen. More so the set-up part.
I think most people out there (in cyber world) have been pre-wired to set up a blog. They pick a cute template, add charming buttons and pics to the sidebar, have endlessly creative names and thoughts peeking out at you.
I on the other hand have not figured any of this out. It might sound somewhat uncharitable of me, but I don't understand how all these middle aged ladies have great sites, and I can't figure out how to customize any part of my template.

I am working on it. I have a few "peeps" I can talk to for some advice.

The next 2 months are going to be crazy for me. I have about 15 things (no exaggeration) that need to be done by Thanksgiving, and that's ignoring promises I made last Christmas. I'm not sure how I'll be able to get everything done. After I finish these things, x-mas will be flying right at me, and since I always fly home, planning must be done in advance. Projects finished before I get off the plane, gifts picked, sent, or bought by elves back home. I suppose a huge part of this is my procrastination. Always have I waited until the last minute. With school work, one might understand, but I do it with everything. I like sewing. I like knitting. I like crafting. I love picking things out for people. I never do any of these with time to spare.
Oh well, my stress is my own.
More later about the UFO's and other projects coming up. Maybe a whole list.

Night, the first

I always seem to have so much more to say at night. Many nights I lay in bed with 15,000 things running through my head . I am hoping that if I just write those doubts, ideas, nonsensical plan out in some context I will be able to see things, maybe even myself, more clearly. If nothing else, maybe I will be able to slow my brain down enough to get some sleep. For an insomniac girl like me, being at work at 8 am is sometimes just torture.